BLACK AND WHITE!

Okay. So this is going to be difficult.

This topic is about respecting our thoughts. We easily let our thoughts and imagination be polluted and somehow feel that it’s permissible. This includes us all. What drove me to raise this subject are simple experiences of my routine life. There are certain matters in this world that are extremely serious yet treated as a matter of entertainment and ignorance..

So this is what it goes like:

  • Woman is a creation of God. Men are supposed to respect the gender and not just a particular range of ladies just because they are related to them by any means, making others permissible to disrespect.
  • A woman of  bad character is bad. Her badness does not give license to other men /women to disrespect her publicly and decide her misfortune for the sake of their own entertainment. What’s agonizing is some people do not even bother to verify the condition of badness.
  •  Just because a girl is friendly does not mean she is available!
  • If woman chooses to work (for a living or for passion) does not mean that she is cheap, that her thoughts are gone stray and her character is any less than the woman who chose to stay at home. These women are not out there because they are so depressed that they couldn’t win a husband by sitting at home that they decided to join an office and find a guy for themselves. Or if they are married, they are not out there to have fun with other guys behind their husband’s back.

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  • Just because you are married, it does not give you any right to discuss your wives in public or order them around in public. Wives are partners NOT possessions.
  • Only because and guy are talking does not mean that something is going on between them. Just because a girl does not talk to a lot of guys and is friendly with one does not mean that they have a ‘scene’ and even if they do, is not it their personal matter? You should not get to have fun at their expense. There is something called respect.
  • I don’t know if this is news, but all ladies have the same biological structure. Disrespecting any girl/woman by either mother sister slang, watching implicit videos/movies/shows or any other such vulgarity is doing the exact same disrespect to every other woman, which includes your own mother, sister and wife.
  • If someone is wearing inappropriate clothes by choice, it is your choice to either stare, ignore or help her/him. You will not be sinned because they are wearing inappropriate clothes. But you WILL be sinned for drooling over them. If you sincerely have a problem, build up some courage to guide such people to correction rather than humiliating them through gossips.
  • For some weird and unfathomable reasons, our society mostly insists on applying all Islamic laws to women. We keep on forgetting that the laws apply on men as well. Man and woman both are forbidden to touch any na-mahram. They both have been told to keep themselves covered. The laws do differ for the two genders, yes, but the laws are THERE for both man and woman. And both have to follow them.
  • Abstaining from cheap talks just because a girl is sitting around doesn’t make a guy respectful or heroic. It’s simply a question of abstaining from disrepute and cheapness, the rest is just hypocrisy.

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Being a female, it may seem very typical of me to raise this matter and though it’s very difficult for me to empathize, the vice versa of all these points apply to all sick minded ladies as well. The definition of appropriate and inappropriate may vary between persons, places, circumstances or authority but the definition of RIGHT and WRONG is independent of any such item. In simple words, just because someone did not mind your wrong comment may portray your comment as appropriate but it still remains wrong. And if someone smiled at your inappropriate joke, although he/she should not, but  it doesn’t mean that you get to repeat it. You are simply disrespecting yourself by doing that.

This article is not purposed to impose the entire blame of wrongdoings of women on men. It’s true that every action has it’s own reaction and if a girl does something wrong, she will be answerable for it. But only she will not be accountable for the reactions of men. They themselves must gather the guts to take responsibility of their own actions instead of consoling their hearts with self made fake approvals and making comments like “If a girl is showing off, then obviously guys have a right to drool over her”. That is not even LOGICALLY acceptable.

Obviously, nobody is perfect but what everyone should at least try is to focus on the right approach. The guts of accepting what’s wrong makes a person excellent but the nerve to refrain from it takes him towards greatness.

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13 thoughts on “BLACK AND WHITE!

  1. This one is absolutely perfect, well written and rightly so. I think all males should read it and act upon it. And same is being told to us by our social, moral, ethical and religious values.

    Behind every successful man there is a woman 🙂

    Many thanks for sharing such a wonderful article and what a time to share; women’s day 🙂

    • Glad to see such supportive thoughts from you Naveed. It brings up a positive energy and appreciate girls like us to hope better understanding from the males of society including family and friends. I pray we never stop taking this seriously and pass on the same message to others. 🙂

  2. Very very well written. Exactly my thoughts. I strongly agree with each and every point of yours. Why all the rules and regulations are for women not for men. Especially , ‘Wives are partners NOT possessions’. Woww this line says it all and ‘ Just because a girl is friendly does not mean she is available!’. Damn, Larkaa kuch b karey chaley ga but gurl can’t even talk friendly. Here, people have created their views as per their need not how it should be.

    Once again great article. I simply love reading it.

    • Alhamdulillah Bush…happy that words served their purpose. However, its not just guys with this narrow perceptio..ladies esp the mothers are included in this mindset too.

  3. Nice article Eman. Seems like all ladies have the same sentiments. I too, totally agree with all of this. And have written same kind of articles myself, pouring in all my frustration. However, I have come to realize that these articles will only be agreed upon by people who already refrain from such activities, anyone who is involved in all of this won’t even begin to understand what’s wrong. So what should be done? It’s good that we raise our voice. But what then? Is there any way to stop it?

    • Thanks BK. i think change of mindsets is a very gradual process. This will obviously take time. About those who are already involved, well i am hopeful..i think everyone knows where they go wrong..esp if someone makes them realize. However, what most can we do is to stop being immune to such mindsets in society. We can make sure that at least we convey this complain of ours to friends who understand us esp the males, we can correct the minds of our younger brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces and other kids in our reach and make sure that they contain the correct respect for all kinds of matters and not just gender. Because, such perceptions start building from the very beginning of a mind and even a few mothers sometimes discriminate between their daughters and sons ending up the daughter to naturally consider herself as inferior to her brother and the son thinking himself to be superior..Nature defines some differences and they are perfect but one should know what’s natural and what’s self imposed.

  4. A very good n thought provoking article …… very impacting lines …. “Wives are partners NOT possessions” ….. n yes we should raise our social moral n ethical values…….

  5. Very nice article Ms. Eman… We live in a male-dominating society… Women should be taught by their parents, teachers, and other well-wishers of theirs to be strong and act strong… If someone passes comment on her then she should have the courage to YAADOFY HIM HIS NANI on that very instant instead of ignoring the comment… We girls should be made strong by our elders.. We should be taught by our elders how to REACT to these situations so that boys start realizing that there lives another gender in this society which HAS to be given equal importance and respect as them! “Kuch faayidah nahi aise larkon ke aagey react karne ka” is a TOTALLY WRONG THOUGHT! Faayidah hoga when they get to know ke girls are not blind, deaf and dumb, rather they have started to use their powers!

  6. Absolutely agree with the write up dear.
    Very well written i must say. We need a total brain-wash of our male-dominant society. No doubt, there are a few “gentlemen” as well, who realize the things stated in the article. We just need to push the thought and start reacting to what we dislike and treating the mentality the way it deserves to be.

    As an old adage says “Jo jsa hota hai vo doosron ko bhi wsa samjhta hai”. Their reflex action defines them. We cant do anything about it. Power only dominates when you let it influence you. Same for our male-dominant society. They try to impose their thoughts about females and others just join in which makes it difficult for us to move out.
    Solution is ; If they call us BOLD; Yes we are. If they call us Outgoing ; Yes we are.

    And for what BK Highlighted, I would say that our conscience knows everything all the time; we just don’t listen to it . Each and every of us involved in this would agree within him/herself that yes “Its us”. So dont worry. By continuous hitting we can get the nail fixed 😉

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